yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
