DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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