i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
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I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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