Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
