so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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