Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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