I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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