is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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