That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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