Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
