I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
