so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
