wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
