I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my sisters under your porch take her home
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
