I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I love having hate sex.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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