so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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