Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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