i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
