At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
