ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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