weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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