Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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