I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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