I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
