Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
