Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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