Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.