Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
sex in a hospital.. check
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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