i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
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Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed