I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.