it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.