So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
