idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?