yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
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Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure