Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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