If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
