Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
