Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
NoShamevember. You game?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
