Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
