It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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