Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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