You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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