you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
