that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
