u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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