im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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