Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
