I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize