My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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