I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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