My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
