its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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