to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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