He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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