I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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