Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
