I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
