i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
