I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
