We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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