quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You pole danced in your parka.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
