If that was your dad, he is hot
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
