Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Operation Purity has been aborted
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
