I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Randomize
