some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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