take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
