if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
