When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
