i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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