Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
