he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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