I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
